Film Raging

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I love horror films. Particularly with a nice twist or something random, juicy and unexpected thrown in… But all too often I end up frustrated and disappointed by the repeated stupid and frustrating scenarios people find themselves in. So I decided to create a list of the top most annoying things that can happen in a horror film. Please feel free to comment underneath to add your own 🙂

 

1. Lack of trust in previously seemingly perfect relationships

This has to come top of my list, firstly because I’ve just seen yet another film where this happens, and secondly because it drives me mad. I’ve seen tooooo many films where there’s a suspicious person lurking around, being creepy, leery, overly strange (you get the gist)…wife spends most of film angry at husband (or vice versa), as he’s convinced that “This person’s crazy! We have to get out of here…or make him leave us alone!” but she’s all “No John! Stop being so JEALOUS! He’s just trying to be nice!”….

… ~Several deaths and multiple physical and mental injuries later~ …

…comes the apology scene: ” I’m so sorry I didn’t believe you!”or worse, when hes been proved right, and she just cracks on like shes been on his side the whole time- NO apology at all! Now that’s just rude.

*Tries not to punch TV screen* Lesson here: Don’t be an arse, give him (or her) the benefit of the doubt.

 

2. “Let’s split up and check it out”

This has been picked up before several million times… but for some reason, it still keeps getting done! Hear a creepy, unfamiliar noise in an eerie haunted house? Is there a gun toting criminal hiding in the vicinity and the power’s gone out? One of the group has gone missing in an abandoned insane asylum? I know, lets split up!- we will cover more ground.  😐 Really?! EVERY TIME!!!

 

3. Persistent underlying love stories

I am not watching a horror film to see two unlikely people fall for each other while avoiding getting mutilated by the village psycho. Not realistic. Yes, sex and violence go hand in hand, but don’t force it just because it “has to be in there”. It doesn’t help the story line, it is filler, I can see it’s forced; its cliché, and it annoys me. *Takes deep breaths*

 

4. Girly Screams

Ok, you’re in a forest, running from a knife wielding maniac. He’s killed all your friends, and now he’s after you! Finding a discreet little hiding place and staying nice and quiet may be your only chance at survival. But pssshhh, apparently survival is overrated. Running down the road/ through the forest screaming your lungs out appears to be the fashionable thing to do these days. Practically though, screaming with all your might is gonna tire you out, you aren’t going to have enough breath to breath & run, and no chance of hiding as you’re screaming your location out to them!! Madness.

 

5. No awareness of technology

The “no signal on my phone” excuse is mildly irritating, just because it happens too often and sometimes it would be nice to see a little more imagination going into new horror films, BUT it is still somewhat plausible, so I’ll let it go.

What I will never understand though, is how you can have all the modern gadgets; TVs, phones, laptops, iPods etc… But for some reason, even though they can be seen watching TV, no one appears to EVER have seen a horror film, therefore even in the midst of the horror, they all still make the same, stupid mistakes.

 

6. Just generally being stupid and having no common sense

A group of 5 teenagers arrive at a creepy shack. They find slaughtered animals in the basement and a book on witchcraft/ voodoo left on the shelf.

Yes, you could just shut the door, and get wasted, and hope for the best… OR go somewhere else?!

Surely your holiday away is going to be more fun without worrying about the rancid bodies in the next room? Hmm- just a thought.

UPDATE! I have just been kindly reminded of another HUGELY irritating feature that I just cannot leave out of here! How COULD I forget…

7. The “Double Tap”

Now first off, I’ll never understand how an intruder can get into your house and know it like the back of their hand, to the point they find all the best hiding places, ambushing points etc; while little old you, who has lived in the damn same house for 20 years is tripping all over the show and stumbling over the tables because it’s dark. Grrr…

Anyway… so he’s chasing you round the house, up the stairs, through the bathroom, into the bedroom *oh the suspense!* then SUCCESS! You whack him over the head with a baseball bat! Phew, he’s fallen to the floor.

Glad that’s over! 🙂 Now seems an appropriate time to turn your back on him, relax, and reflect on the night’s events.

ARE YOU INSANE?!

Before you know it, he’s gonna be up and about and angry as hell… and we all know he’s gonna come and kill your ass!

So don’t look all surprised and start screaming like a banshee when you look aback around and the body’s gone. Because we’re all just going to shake our heads pitifully and wonder why we’re even still watching. We might even start rooting for the other guy! 😉 Playing dead is the oldest trick in the book!

You have been warned! DOUBLE TAP!!!

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